Spotlight on Gretchen Rubin: Rediscovering Joy Through "The Happiness Project"

Life has a funny way of pulling us into a whirlwind of responsibilities—careers, family, and the ever-growing to-do list. Somewhere along the path of adulthood, many of us seem to misplace the joy and playfulness that once defined our younger selves. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks while reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. As I navigated through her insightful chapters, particularly "Be Serious About Play" and "Pursue a Passion," I found myself grappling with a question that felt both foreign and uncomfortable: "What do I do for fun?" As hard as I tried, I simply could not answer this question.

I was fully on board with the initial chapters, nodding along and taking notes on ideas about vitality, marriage, work, and parenthood. Yes, Gretchen! Those were my roles as a professional woman, mom, and partner. Of course, I wanted to be better at those roles and feel happy while performing them! Then came "MAY: Be Serious About Play" with a subheading of "Leisure." Excuse me? What is this "leisure" of which you speak, Gretchen? I found myself absolutely stumped by her emphasis on play—the idea of pursuing a passion felt like a distant memory, buried beneath layers of adult obligations. I realized I had become so entrenched in the daily grind—juggling work deadlines and parenting duties—that I had forgotten what it meant to simply enjoy life.

Clearly, Rubin's assertion that play is a vital component of happiness struck a chord within me. She encouraged readers to take play seriously and to carve out time for activities that spark joy and creativity. But as I sat there, pen poised over my journal, I couldn't answer that simple question. What did I enjoy? What brought me joy? The silence was deafening, and I felt a pang of guilt for not having a ready answer, which feels absurd to acknowledge at this point, but there it is. I felt guilty for not being fun enough, for putting myself last for so long that I didn't even know who I was or what I liked anymore outside the role contexts of parent, professional, and partner.

It was a slow burn (because one does not snap one's fingers and enjoy perfect clarity), but the book became a catalyst for change, igniting a spark that had long been dormant. I began to reflect on my interests, my hobbies, and the things that once filled my heart with enthusiasm. Slowly (oh, so slowly!), memories surfaced—long-forgotten pastimes like music, fashion design, and, most of all, reading. How had I forgotten my first true love? If I could spend a day doing anything, it would be reading. Rubin's emphasis on pursuing a passion reminded me that it was okay to invest in myself, to make space for joy amidst the chaos of life. I mattered, too, and I had forgotten. Gretchen Rubin helped me remember.

Fast forward ten years or so to a woman who now regularly engages with herself. I take the occasional art class, voice lesson, and yoga session. I meet my five sisters every month for Sister Book Club. Most importantly, I don't feel guilty about reading or taking time for myself. In fact, I discovered that no one in my personal life had ever put it on me to ignore my own needs. Blame society, or history, or whatever, but the need to please was just me putting demands on myself all along. My kids listen to Audible with me, my workmates invite me to creative workshops in out area, and my husband sends me on writers' retreats with friends several times a year. But until I figured out what sparked joy for me, I didn't know how to ask them for these things.

Consider this post a reminder that you can reclaim your identity outside of work, marriage, and parenting roles and find yourself again. "Me time" is allowed and, perhaps counterintuitively, makes you better at all the other roles you play. Finding yourself again isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. Life isn't just about responsibilities—it's also about laughter, connection, and passion. Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project" served as a gentle nudge to reclaim my sense of self, to explore what truly makes my heart sing.

So, if you find yourself in a similar position, feeling like life has overshadowed your joy, I encourage you to pick up this book. Dive into the chapters on play and passion, and allow yourself to dream about what fun looks like for you. Rediscovering joy is not just about the destination; it's about the journey of reconnecting with who you are and embracing the happiness that is rightfully yours.